I’m here. Again, at the exact same position I was last year when I was grumbling about school, grades. As always, a semester has passed by resulting in all the traumas as the finals’ grades have been revealed and they are not to my expectation.
I feel lost, sad, disappointed, hopeless, upset, jealous,… The list of my feelings can go on and on with all the negative adjectives you could think of. I’m confused. I’m confused by myself and my life.
Let’s rewind back to the last semester in which I was full of energy and motivation to begin with. I set my goals and was so determined to achieve them. The roadmap I drew out was so clear. I confidently invested major on my studying. I worked extremely hard. And the finals came along. But eventually, all of my endeavors went zero.
“What did I do wrong?”
“Why nothing good can happen to me?”
I constantly doubt about my worthiness, whether I deserve anything good in life.
Hey, wait a minute.
Do the grades at school determine your grade of life?
More specifically, how do you measure happiness?
Look around. You have all the good things you need. You have your family who loves you unconditionally. You have your best friends who are always there for you. You have your lovely goofy pets. You have access to knowledge, to entertainment. You have house and food. You’re privileged already.
Humans are greedy. They never have enough of anything. They always want more. They never get satisfied about themselves. They only look at what they don’t own, which is massive, and feel bad without noticing the precious things they have. That makes them prone to negativity whenever facing failure.
Dear myself, failure is the tool to success. If it’s what you have at this moment, use it. It will lead you back to the right direction. Don’t let yourself be defeated by just a tiny failure. Your biggest goal is still waiting for you to achieve. So get yourself together, stand up straight and move forward.
And the talks between I and myself go on and on…