How do couples manage their time?

I don’t know. If you know the answer, please tell me.

Believe or not, I’m in my early twenties and I have never been in a relationship. I have no idea what it’s like to actually be in one. But recently, I’ve been witnessing my one close friend handling with hers, which has triggered this question in me.

She is a college student. Since also being one myself, I know exactly how strenuous and exhausting a day of a student’s life could be with tons of assignments, projects, not to mention the inevitable part-time jobs and extra-curriculum activities to polish the CV. Everything will easily run out of control and drive you mad if you’re not able to manage a little while for yourself during the day to reflect and relax. I sometimes struggle a lot to just finish all the tasks without any time to take care of myself. But somehow, my friend is still doing very well. Above all, she’s able to do that WHILE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP.

How does she do it???

How do people do it???

I’m not talking about toxic, abusive relationships but healthy, happy ones. As far as I know, being in a relationship with someone else means that you’d have to take out a specific amount of your own time every day for that special one to take them out, send a few texts or at least to think about them. In other words, you would need to truly make efforts to tailor your schedule to your significant others’ in order to make sure that they feel cared and loved. I don’t know how much time lovers spend for each other daily, or how much is enough. But I’m sure it is there somewhere included in their schedules which might be already tight with their jobs, studying, hobbies or even daily routines.

This truly makes me stunned. Love couples – masters of time management, you guys got my respect!

Still, can someone explain how? I’m ready to take some notes.

Or being in a relationship is probably not difficult as I think it is. I’m just terrible with time management and being busy is the excuse why I am still single till this day.

But am I sad because of that?

Not at all.

I don’t rush for it either. I can imagine how my life could turn into a hot mess if I get caught up in a relationship. So thank God for letting me be free and single!

Moreover, what’s the point of whining, being miserable all the time just because of “loneliness”? Are you actually lonely?

I don’t know what your answer is but I’m only single, not lonely. I’m surrounded by my family and friends. I’m taking my time to look after myself, to fully embrace myself, to learn and grow. Maybe I’m spending too much time for myself. Maybe this is the reason why I’m bad at time management. Maybe this is the reason why I’m single. If so, I’m totally cool with it. I don’t need any guy to make me feel happy and loved.

At the end of the day, being in a relationship is not a bad thing at all. Being single isn’t either. The key is always self-love. Once you’re fully in love with yourself, happiness will forever be there whether you’re single or taken.

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Tại sao cứ yêu nhau là phải xưng hô anh – em?

bgaa-1995-021-0031-011Ngẫm.

Lướt insta story và thấy một hiện tượng rất “đời”, rất “Việt Nam” nhưng tự dưng trong đầu mình lại nảy ra suy nghĩ như thế này:

TẠI SAO TRONG MỘT MỐI QUAN HỆ, NGƯỜI NAM ĐƯỢC XƯNG LÀ “ANH” TRONG KHI NGƯỜI NỮ LÀ “EM”, KỂ CẢ KHI NGƯỜI NAM ÍT HAY BẰNG TUỔI SO VỚI PHÍA NỮ?

Mình không bàn về việc xưng hô “kính trên nhường dưới” tính theo tuổi tác, chức vụ bởi đó là quy cách ứng xử truyền thống của văn hóa Việt Nam (mặc dù cái mình ủng hộ hơn vẫn là việc bình đẳng trong cách xưng hô). Vấn đề ở đây, trong một mối quan hệ giữa nam và nữ, giữa hai người cùng địa vị xã hội, cùng lứa tuổi, thậm chí người nam kém tuổi hơn, thì họ lập tức ở vị trí “anh” trong khi người nữ yên vị làm “em”. Điểm khác biệt duy nhất giữa họ là GIỚI TÍNH. Có lẽ bởi nữ là phái “yếu” cần được phái “mạnh” che chở, và đương nhiên kẻ “mạnh” được phép làm anh của kẻ “yếu”? Hay đơn giản vì nó gần gũi, tình cảm hơn? Vì đó là LUẬT?

Các cậu có thấy có cái gì sai sai không?

Liệu với cách xưng hô như vậy người phụ nữ đang vô tình tự đặt mình ở vị thế thấp hơn phía còn lại? Nhiều người sẽ nghĩ rằng dù sao đó chỉ là cách xưng hô, chỉ cần hai người yêu nhau và dành sự tôn trọng đối với nhau là đủ. Nhưng mình tin rằng, người phụ nữ dù có hoàn toàn giữ vai trò điều khiển mối quan hệ hay không, nhưng cách xưng hô sẽ ít nhiều ảnh hưởng đến tâm lý, cách ứng xử của 2 bên. Mình sợ rằng nó sẽ dần hình thành sự phân bậc rõ rệt trong một mối quan hệ vốn bình đẳng…

Dù sao cũng chỉ là cách xưng hô. Người ta yêu nhau là đủ, hơi đâu quan tâm mấy cái tào lao. Mình hơi lo chuyện bao đồng rồi.

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Thực chất  bài này mình đăng trên instagram với một bức ảnh rất “deep”. Bạn mình vào bình luận và đặt vấn đề vào cả trong hôn nhân: “Chẳng ai vợ chồng lại xưng chị – em cả.” Và cho rằng đó là “do ngôn ngữ”, rằng nó “quá cụ thể”. Cô ấy có ý đúng. Nhưng mình vẫn nghĩ rằng đó là do hệ quả của tư tưởng Nho giáo. Tâm lý phân bậc, trọng nam khinh nữ đã ăn quá sâu vào tiềm thức người Việt. Nó đã thành cái luật: trong hôn nhân, chồng trên, vợ dưới; chồng là anh, vợ là em. Người ta chấp nhận nó một cách dễ dàng như thể 1 + 1 = 2 vậy.

Dù sao đi nữa, mình chỉ đặt vấn đề như vậy. Giải pháp? Mình không chắc. Chỉ muốn nhóm lên một suy nghĩ gì đó cho những người xung quanh về sự bình đẳng giới, vềchính xã hội mà chúng ta đang sống.

Coping with bad grades

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I’m here. Again, at the exact same position I was last year when I was grumbling about school, grades. As always, a semester has passed by resulting in all the traumas as the finals’ grades have been revealed and they are not to my expectation.

I feel lost, sad, disappointed, hopeless, upset, jealous,… The list of my feelings can go on and on with all the negative adjectives you could think of. I’m confused. I’m confused by myself and my life.

Let’s rewind back to the last semester in which I was full of energy and motivation to begin with. I set my goals and was so determined to achieve them. The roadmap I drew out was so clear. I confidently invested major on my studying. I worked extremely hard. And the finals came along. But eventually, all of my endeavors went zero.

“What did I do wrong?”

“Why nothing good can happen to me?”

I constantly doubt about my worthiness, whether I deserve anything good in life.

Hey, wait a minute.

Do the grades at school determine your grade of life?

More specifically, how do you measure happiness?

Look around. You have all the good things you need. You have your family who loves you unconditionally. You have your best friends who are always there for you. You have your lovely goofy pets. You have access to knowledge, to entertainment. You have house and food. You’re privileged already.

Humans are greedy. They never have enough of anything. They always want more. They never get satisfied about themselves. They only look at what they don’t own, which is massive, and feel bad without noticing the precious things they have. That makes them prone to negativity whenever facing failure.

Dear myself, failure is the tool to success. If it’s what you have at this moment, use it. It will lead you back to the right direction. Don’t let yourself be defeated by just a tiny failure. Your biggest goal is still waiting for you to achieve. So get yourself together, stand up straight and move forward.

And the talks between I and myself go on and on…

“It’s ok to not be ok”

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The first month of 2017 has been like magic to me. And no, I didn’t win the lottery or gain any materialistic things. But I did find a thing. A thing that I’m not sure whether it is tangible. All I can assure is that has shed light on me after days of darkness. The self-love community on the Internet. More specifically, the body positivity on Instagram.

Some people might be questioning how some randoms posts or pictures of strangers on the Internet could dramatically change someone’s life. I agree. Those things do not change me. Instead, they shift me towards positivity by telling me how I should stay myself, stay true, stay beautiful.

From that on, I’VE BEEN THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO CHANGE. It’s my decision to change the way I view the world, myself and the relations between us. It took me a while to figure out everything. It took a lot of self-reflection as I was constantly questioning my own existence. Then finally, it came to the point that I realized it was my mindset that had been torturing myself, making me suffer toxic feelings the whole time. And I knew for sure that it was time for me to do something about it.

I’ve embarked on this self-love journey, the journey of optimism. I’ve started learning how to love myself, to try my best to exclude negativity and anything related to that. At the same time, I also realized that the journey of fully embracing myself is definitely not easy. Lots of lessons out there are waiting to be learned.

Now, I’m dealing with one of those lessons.

The lesson began when I went to school again after a long holiday season. It’s been a week of new semester, internship, part-time job. I truly want to believe in myself that I could handle everything. However, there is a part of me that is getting weaker and weaker. At first, I could not comprehend that since I was so sure that I was stronger than ever.

Fortunately, my light-bulb moment has been underway. The point I’ve been missing is that I am a human and I’m going against nature. More specifically, while I’m trying too hard to be upbeat all the time, I’m accidentally suppressing all of my other feelings. The stress, the rage, the grief, the guilt, the disappointment, etc. I thought I was putting on my fences to not let them in. The fact, unfortunately, is that they are inside me. They are parts of me. And what I’m doing is trapping them inside. I forgot I’m human and it’s normal to have those feelings. No normal human beings can be smiley 24/7.

Therefore, as the problem has been defined, I’m taking action. I’m accepting that side of me. I’m letting them out by writing, sharing the world my story. To be told that everything will be ok. To be told that It’s ok to not be ok.

Emotional Sunday Morning

Sunday, 08 January 2016

11:30 A.M

There are days where I become so unstable emotionally, susceptible to every damn thing, even the minutiae of life. A fictional Christmas movie on HBO, that ravishing music video on MTV, the perfectly high-pitched voice of Lady Gaga… They were all so incredibly beautiful as I burst out in tears in just a second.

And what surprised me was the more I cried, the more I felt relieved. I kept on letting all out. Away with the tears were the strain, the rage and other toxic feelings that I’d carried within my body. In a moment I was just being honest to myself without caring about the exterior world. I also constantly blamed myself for having let those minor, toxic things get on my nerves and not staying true to who I am while contemplating the beauty of life.

I had never embraced my ugly leaky face. But today it made me feel genuine and beautiful.

Thank you so much, my precious tears.

I’m a Dog/Cat Person

Mic, my dog came to my life 5 years ago when my mom brought her home on a Sunday morning 2012. The day has changed my life completely since it has made my life so worth living. Before that, dogs had always scared the shit out of me, even the tiniest ones. And my dad, who is an extremely clean person, hates the idea of having to clean dog poop/pee, was never a dog lover. He said having to put up with us sisters was already enough for him, no need for any other animals’ existence in his house to mess things up (I know, my dad is that brutally straightforward). Thus, I never bore the thought of adopting a pet.

But that day happened and Mic showed up to our surprises. It was then followed by lots of smiles and happy tears because she was so small and cute. I was a bit reserved at first but as soon as I realized “she is MY DOG now and I’m actually having a pet”, my fear completely disappeared. And as the time going by, the more I got to know about Mic, the more I felt stunned about the fun as well as the perks of having a pet around.

How didn’t I adopt a dog earlier?!?!

Mic is such an interesting being. She’s smart and she knows how to get people’s attention. Sometimes she’s really hyperactive jumping and throwing her body at others but that’s just how she shows her love. That energy she having is priceless and it’s contagious. I always find myself powered up and excited when spending time with her.

I constantly perceived myself as a dog person.

2 years later, I adopted Khoai-my kitty despite my parents’ opposition. I made up a story of how my friend gave me this cat as a birthday present and it would be so rude not taking it. So my parents finally accepted her presence in our house. And I had never been surrounded with so much love like that.

Wow a dog and a cat?! This is LIFEEEEEEEEE

Different from Mic, Khoai is quieter and sometimes cold. But I think she’s just being herself no matter how people perceive her to be. Khoai doesn’t spread that kind of energy like Mic, but instead, she listens and calms me down, reminding me of the fact that I’m home. She shows her love perfectly when it’s needed and that love is warm. She’s soft and soothing like music to my soul.

Mic and Khoai, they’re both important components of my life. They together reflect my personalities. They are family. They are love. I cannot imagine my life without them.

So I guess, you can say I’m either a dog or a cat person. It doesn’t matter. What truly matters is their being here with me.

No further ado, pictures!

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To the happy face!

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Mic is always a good poser in front of camera

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Who can resist that face!

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THAT SHAPE THOUGHHHHH

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Believe it, she’s a mom.

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When mama gives your little sister food and you got none